... what on earth do you do with yarn?

I know many of you live in places where summers are hot. I live in a place where summers are mild. Which makes this record-breaking heatwave we're having out here in the Pacific Northwest an unusual and, frankly, dauntingly unpleasant experience.

What on earth does one make in painfully hot weather? The only answer I can come up with is, "Nothing, silly! Go stick your feet in the ocean."

Please advise!

Tonight I got an email that's left me doubled over laughing. I can't sleep because I keep giggling. I could send another reply to the inquirer and ask about the context, but I thought it might be a fun creative exercise to throw this open to the whole crochet community.

And so.

Rules:

• Write a 300-word (maximum) piece of fiction that ends with some form of the line "Do you have a crochet pattern for a pirate hat small enough to fit a goose?"
• Minor variations in grammar are acceptable, but the meaning must ring true.
• Leave a comment to this post with your entry.

I imagine just the thought of participating will be enticing enough, but I'll come up with some sort of prize. I'll arbitrarily close the contest, likely within a week.

Go.

UPDATE (2 December 2008): Aaaand the (very belatedly announced) winner is: Fraucoach, whose story had me laughing and laughing. Thank you, all who participated!

Tomorrow evening—Monday, 23rd June at 9pm Eastern (that's 6pm Pacific, so I won't even be sleepy)—I'll be on Mary Beth Temple's Getting Loopy call-in podcast show. Have a listen, wontcha? And call in with questions. I've never done a live show before, and I'm psyched! We'll talk about Interweave Crochet, Knitting Daily TV, and all sorts of other crochet stuff.